I am under the impression that I am allways trying, that never is good enough.
I am creating a world of myself.
A world here inside my house,
A place where I find myself sitting in corners
Sometimes I lay back in my closet
Or I stay there just staring at the mirror
I don’t see myself anymore
I don’t see anything
I feel I am losing strengh
Every day I lose a little bit
And I cry for help, but he is not listening
And so, day by day I let it go, bit by bit
I want him to care, but he doesn’t
He doesn’t even care.
And in losing these small bits our history starts to end
It is so strange because I don’t want to
But it is just that I know,
it is ending….
The perfect day
And I wake up next to you,
You hold me and kiss me,
We have breakfast together,
We take a long walk,
I make a warm bubble bath, just to relax
I make you a chocolate brownie,
We take a nap, I am in your arms….
and it just feels perfect.
And it is for me,
These little things I allways dreamt about.
I wish you felt this way too.
You think that the years are going to turn you into a diferent person, even stronger…
I realized that little have changed…
Feels like drowning.
We have these little things…
Things that are only ours.
Like when I wake up, I go to his side of the bed and I wake him up by kissing and hugging. When I am almost falling asleep at night, he holds me so I will fall asleep in his arms.
Little things that are precious to me.
Now, I worry that it isn’t enough.
I am losing these things, things that I used to think that were ours turned out to be just mine.
Now, I think it only mattered to me.
Now, I am wondering how to start living without these little things.
Now, I wish to be me again.
Now, I hope it will not take that much long to get used to be me alone again.
Now, I hope it won’ t hurt for so long.
I wouldn’t bare it….
Someone told me a while ago that I didn´t have to be happy all the time. Truth is I never realized that. I never knew being sad is part of life. And as much as I come to understand this, it only makes me confuse because I believe that in order to be whole I need to be happy, to pursue happiness. And I always believed I deserved to be happy, as happy as one can be. But, unfortunately, it is not like that, not for me at least. And it doesn´t matter how much I try to be in a better place, it doesn´t matter how hard I try to be complete, it never depends on me and it should or life will always be unfair.